Letting Go
Have you ever wondered why you always end up getting hurt? Have you ever wondered what you have done to deserve the constant lack of respect for you and your feelings? Have you ever wondered why your kind and caring approach to people isn’t always reciprocated?
I have discovered the answer…in most cases, it is because people only treat you the way that you allow them to. We have a lot more control than we choose to realize over the kinds of feelings that would cause one to pose the questions listed above. We are not as helpless and powerless as we think we are. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
The problem is we hold onto who that person was or who we want them to be. We make excuses for their behavior. It takes two people to have a friendship or be in a relationship and one person cannot carry that weight. It’s simply impossible. In doing so, it is inevitable that we experience the hurt, disrespect and lack of reciprocity. Is it really worth it? Life is too short to try to change someone that you know doesn’t want to change. What you can change is them being in your life. Of course, this is much easier said than done. Letting go is one of the hardest things we face in life. However, time is one of the most unforgiving things. Once it’s gone, you can never get it back. So ask yourself, are you investing your time in the actual person or who they used to be or who they have the potential to be?
Always remember, you are wonderful and amazing! Anyone should be happy to share a friendship or relationship with you and if they choose not to, then that is their loss. You deserve nothing less than the best. 
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Thank you so much for this post, no one is worth me putting my time and effort, and not receiving the same in return. I guess all people are just not the same…I do agree that it takes time to let go, but I don’t want to hold on to something that was already deaddd!! I’m learning to just let God lead me and direct my path. Its not for me to handle anymore….
02.6.10 on 11:11 pmAmazingly, I am checking out your site only to discover that you have your own personal blog. The title, “See Further Than I Am”, immediately captured my eyes so I had to check this blog out. I am a firm believer that everything that happens, happens for a reader. I read your “Letting Go” post and it brought me to tears because it definitely hit the nail on the head for me. This post rang true in so many areas. We are so scared to let go that we fool ourselves into thinking that the person we are with is only a step away from being who we want them to be. I can only think back to the movie Jason’s Lyric, where Jada Pinkett-Smith says, “You can’t keep trying to save a brother that don’t want to be saved.” This particular comment was in reference to violent behavior, but it applies to relationships too. We cannot keep trying to change people that don’t want to change. I would also like to add that no matter what you do, you should continue to work on yourself. As your goals get higher and you become more focused so will your expectations. Your mate should be your friend and confidant. You both should complement each other. STOP SETTLING!
02.7.10 on 12:38 am(Correction to my previous post)- Everything that happens, happens for a reason.
02.7.10 on 12:41 amWauw! I’m so glad that you wrote this post. This is nothing then but the truth and sometimes the people forget this, including ‘ME’ I so agree with you on many levels and i guess its time for me to ‘SHINE’. Its time for me to let some people go and put all the drama behind me. I sure believe in GOD. Hopefully everything will work out. Once again im happy and thankfull for this post.
02.7.10 on 7:43 amLove from Amsterdam,’HOLLAND’
wow this is like really powerful i like the qoute from Eleanor Roosevelt
02.7.10 on 10:23 amThanks Trey for this. You always know what to write at the right time. It is easier said then done to get someone out of your life like you said! It’s like we have to really see how life is. To take a moment and go through your life see the unneccessary things we hold on to and see what is preventing us from going on. To see what’s holding us back from doing that one big thing. We try to hold on to friendship because we figure that way we will have someone to talk to and laugh with, but when that friend is doing you wrong or always wont’s to be in control you have to speak up for yourself. Say that you are her/his friend not their pet, not their toy, not any of that, but you are her friend, her sister, you two are family. If they don’t won’t to listen then you know that that friend isn’t good for and they are wasting your time.
02.7.10 on 11:45 amThank you Shannon for posting this…yes it is easier said than done. Im actually going through something at the moment and its not easy letting go a 3 year relationship…I hate going through this but like they say in order to have a rainbow you have to go through the rain…I have A LOT of thinking over to do…and this post helped me kind lean towards what I want to do…once again Shannon…thank you for posting n_n
02.7.10 on 4:18 pmwow this post/blog touched me in many ways that i cant explain…it answered questions that i ask myself everyday & could not find answers to…i went through relationships where i had put 100% in effort & time, but then end up being treated like dirt…its about time that i let go & stop holding on to someone that i believe can be prince charming but do not want to change for himself…i believe we all deserve better than that & its time to LET GO & learn to not make the same mistakes twice in a relationship…i believe God put me in certain situations that he knows is not impossible for me to get out of…& its time for me to let go…
02.7.10 on 9:39 pmThis post is so true. I’m in a similar situation with this guy. He is amazing person but I want more from him, he has problems that he has in his life. He is struggling to fine a better job then he has now. I want some feedback from someone? Am I wrong for not seeing what I wanted before I got in this relationship?
02.7.10 on 11:51 pmOMG u r so right….. ima so use the question – ask yourself, are you investing your time in the actual person or who they used to be or who they have the potential to be?
02.8.10 on 12:06 ami digg this like for real me and my friends was just talkin bout this too
02.8.10 on 1:41 pmI sometimes wonder if there was an open yet private way to communicate with out the glitz. Just two minds having a real conversation what would the out come be? Would it change the views of the past or would it open up bad memories?
02.8.10 on 6:32 pmHow easy is it to move on when the one u want doesn’t want you. or if u r stuck trying to fix and mend something as not to hurt anyone’s feelings? or when u just miss someone.Tons of questions but this article helps me move towards the right place.
02.8.10 on 6:35 pmthank you, i needed to read this cuz i keep putting so much effort into someone who i once had an amzing week with but now just doesn’t seem to not care
02.8.10 on 9:30 pmamen !!! that is so true i am dealin w/ tht situation rite now !! i woodnt treat him the way i do if he woodnt let me !! nd even wen i try to leave he wont let go !!!
02.9.10 on 12:05 pmI can relate sooooooo much to this post!! It seems like I always end up questioning what I did wrong to deserve to be hurt but i realized that it’s not that I did something wrong, it’s the fact that nothing stays the same. People change therefore friendships/relationships change and sometimes we just out grow one another. It doesn’t mean that either one of us is a bad person, it just means that our chapter in the book has ended and we MUST move on. But in order to move we must face reality. Dwelling on what used to be or what could be leaves you in a false reality which leads to us staying in the same position, being a hurt soul. Face reality, accept it, and move on. It’s hard but it’s life and life ain’t easy!!
Great post!!
02.9.10 on 9:55 pmLoving this! So easy to become so involved in what we want we don’t see that its not there and its time to look elsewhere.
02.10.10 on 9:09 amI was actually thinking about this same thing the other day. Life should be great and drama-free. We make excuses for other ppl and ourselves as to why our life isn’t “perfect” but we have to realize it can’t ever be perfect. We can try and get as close to perfection as we can, by weeding all the unnecessary ppl and drama out of our lives, but we should first work on ourselves.
02.10.10 on 9:55 amSocial comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by See_Further: “Letting Go” Don’t settle for anything less than the best! http://bit.ly/97OwSo…
02.10.10 on 11:37 amLove it!
02.10.10 on 3:47 pmGreat subject: I think it’s all about maturing and accepting the truth about human nature and “society”. Because, how I once perceived the world is no longer the case. You know.. “Democracy”.. thinking everyone’s nice and sensitive to others. NOT!!
02.10.10 on 6:03 pmBut now I’m a lot more mature and aware. I know the content of my character, I know to WHOM I belong, so I no longer feel inferior to anyone but HIM.
I believe the key is having faith and not allowing yourself to dwell in negativity for days on end.. months.. years. A person can never find peace living with a negative person or in their own negative thoughts.
It’s just like the song says “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired” — Look at you.. Got me writing.. giving my precious time away.. (I’m smiling) This was really nice.. Kisses
Wow…im so speechless rite now,until i read this i always wonder why it’s so hard for me to let go of the one i thought loved me, the way i loved him. But now i know why because im still in love with the person he was/the person im wanting him to be.i feel like a heavy load of some sort was just lifted from chest & now i can smile & mean it..thank you so much trey i love you:]
02.10.10 on 9:50 pmThis is what i love about you, this is what makes you sexy in my eyes. your: relationship with God, your spirituality, heart, character, wisdom, you are such a wonderful and beautiful person on the inside as well as out. don’t get me wrong you are handsome but your heart speaks volumes. you are so right. i had to learn the hard way that people will keep hurting you if you let them. God had to show me some things to get me to let go of a an awful relationship. I know my true value and will not settle. i pray that God will direct your path to your one true love on his ordained day. i know he has it worked out for you. you deserve that woman he created to be your wife and to help you be the man God ordained you to be. we all deserve that love, it’s a blessing from. i will keep you in my prayers and support you no matter what. keep on growing and inspiring others. you are amazing. thank you for sharing, you are helping people more than you know. keep maturing in your faith. it beautiful and sexy well at least to me. God Bless you and you are highly favored by the Lord
02.10.10 on 11:17 pmI understand what your saying which is true but some people settle for something less than what they are actually worth but they try their best to understand what this person wants or needs and think that that person will soon think about what her or his needs are which is wrong but it happens once you love a certain person whether it’s someone your in a frindship or relationship with we all have these obsticles in front of us that are small but seem big in these ype of situations and being there a time or two should seem like you should know who’s gonna be there and who’s not but with that being said after so many you block who is truely there for you.
02.11.10 on 12:23 amSo true, only you can determine what kind of relationship that you are willing to contribute to someone. Be inspired to do you. No one can take away the blessing that God put in you, unless you give your ideas,thoughts and will to that person. Like minded people gravitate to one another. Speak goodness in everyone life and that encourages others to put the focus on the issues instead of one another. People always focused on materials or upgrades instead of the message of loving each other inspite of.
02.11.10 on 12:01 pmYou are very wise and talented. You should consider writting a book. You have the power to reach out and inspire millions. Keep up the good work.
02.11.10 on 6:52 pmyes,yes and yes you know what im gonna print this out and show it to not only the father of my children but his family.he used to be so sweet and a “man” but as times gone by hes become a bitch.im a single mother of two and i dont need someone whos dead weight.i’ve been trying to tell his family that i deserve to be treated right but they want me to stick around because they feel that hes going to change and also the fact that they really like me,but i know hes not going to change.hes not who he once was and im tired of being hurt over and over again by him…thank you trey
02.12.10 on 1:55 amThis is so perfect!! My friend is going through this right now. She really needs to let go but she can only do this when she is ready. All ladies have been there. We have been in situations that we should let go and don’t know why we stay and it sux, because u start to get mad at yourself for not letting go. Why is that women have the best advice for everyone but themselves. We know what to do but when you get caught up it’s hard to let go. When u finally let go it’s great, u don’t remember how it happens but u just wake up and he’s finally not on your mind.
02.12.10 on 10:27 amUmmm…do yall know Trey didnt post this…smh
02.12.10 on 12:53 pmYeah Shannon posted it. It’s Still a good blog!!!
02.12.10 on 2:52 pmGreat post. To piggyback on this I was having a conversation with my brother who is STILL trying to get over a girlfriend he lost 3 years ago. Now I am the kind of person to jump into anything headfirst with reckless abandonment and I am not afraid of faliure so it is a little easy for me to tell him to LET IT GO! But more importantly, it only hurts YOU when you hold on to bitterness, anger, and the ideas of what could have been. Just breath, cry, and then let it go! The only thing that’s stopping you is you. The former love and the world is revolving without a second thought of you. Just keep it moving.
02.12.10 on 3:13 pmVery well said. Needed to read this today.
02.12.10 on 4:16 pmThx,
-K
all things we as women have felt at one time or another, but always nice to hear it from the other side. thank you.
02.12.10 on 5:37 pmI am so glad that I took the time to read this. It speaks volumes!
02.13.10 on 10:32 pmi am so glad somebody finally said it
02.23.10 on 8:23 amBeing only 23 and have ended a relationship of 6 years, You couldn’t be closer to the truth! It truly is amazing how one can hold on to something that deep down you know is over. The problem is that a lot of people hold on to the memories of what was and the unfortunate ideals that things will change. Letting go may be one of the hardest things to do, but when it gets to that point where its time; staying is only that much worst. One thing to remember is that letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. You will kill yourself trying to forget, because trying to forget someone you once loved is like trying to remember someone you never met…Impossible. The key to moving on is to accept what it is, understand that you deserve better and use the situation as a learning experience. Whats meant to be will be when its meant to, until then just enjoy life to the fullest. Thanks for the read
03.7.10 on 12:08 amThis article help me realized the real reason why I keep getting hurt by people. I now know that I need to set strict boundaries between me and the people I know that will hurt me.
03.16.10 on 6:51 pm